Covert LePage Scapegoat Operation Revealed:
Recently leaked documents from the Maine Department of Fisheries and Wildlife reveal that what amounts to an “entire herd” of scapegoats have been released in Maine during the past ten months.
Emails obtained via a Freedom of Information Act request show that the scapegoat releases are part of a deliberate and systematic attempt by the LePage administration to increase the visibility and effect of scapegoats and to distract Maine people from noticing that there still are no jobs and the economy isn’t getting any better.
“This is not something you see everyday,” said one Maine Warden, on the condition of anonymity. “In the past, you wouldn't expect to see many scapegoats in Maine. What you would see on the national level is the release of one big scapegoat. Reagan had his Soviet Union. Bush had his Iraq. But LePage, he’s all over the place. You don’t normally see scapegoats being released in these kinds of numbers.”
One of the leaked emails from member of governor’s staff shows that the LePage has taken an intense personal interest in the releases. “The governor was intimately involved in decisions about the locations and the timing of the scapegoat releases,” the email reads. “He stayed late on several occasions to help paint the targets on the scapegoats’ backs.”
A LePage staffer who also asked to remain anonymous agreed that it was rare to see a politician literally painting targets on the backs of scapegoats that, at least at times, resemble his own constituents.
Analysis shows that scapegoat sightings peaked in the weeks following the release of the May public opinion poll that showed LePage’s approval rating had dipped to 31%.
“These are a rare species of shape-shifting scapegoat,” a state biologist (name withheld on request) said. “One minute they might look like a teacher, next minute they look like a union member, or an unemployed worker, and then they look like a goat again.” According to reports, the scapegoats have also taken the form of reporters, welfare recipients, environmentalists, Democrats, and even Republicans.
“There is no season for hunting scapegoats," the biologist reminded. "Shooting a scapegoat is an unlawful act.".
Asked if the scapegoats are dangerous or if the public should take any precautions, the biologist stated that they were actually harmless. “If you were to have a conversation with one,” he said. “You would be surprised to find that, despite their appearance and despite the targets on their backs, they are mostly hard-working people with families, just like you.”